This is about feeling something that I despised in the past. I mean, it was normal, but it is a big deal. Let's put it into analogy. What if you have this favorite food? And it has been over a month since you tasted that particular food. You weren't really deprived of or provided with that 'food' because you really didn't tell anyone of your longing for it. You're looking for it every now and then, waiting for and believing in signs that would 'tell' you that you're going to taste it again. But nothing happened. You have quite accepted the fact that you won't taste it for a long time.
During the month, you were doing fine. Actually, you were doing better than when you were exposed to "that". You're slowly unveiling yourself and breaking out of your shell. You weren't really allergic of that specific "food" but you weren't benefiting either. You were in that rock for a long time when you were seeing that thing. You were insecure, afraid of showing who you are and what you an do, and feeling inferior to everyone. It was the others' favorite too. And now, you're out of that rock. With your own life, your own philosophies, your own colorful point of view, that self-confidence and that self-reliance you have.
But then again, you still miss that food. You still long for it. Why?
Now, let's put it into pets. There's a dog in a pet shop is of a specified breed. Let's just say he's Pedigreed. He's one of a kind. He chows down special dog food and has a "dog house" that's even more expensive than your own house. But he's alone. And he needs a one-of-a-kind master who will take care of him and will treat him as the best-est friend in the world. But everyone wants to get him too. Worst part is, the dog has to choose. The others gave him more attention, yes, but that doesn't mean I gave no effort. I tried to befriend little Doggie, but his eyes are fixed on those who show him that they adore him. I was afraid he would bite, scratch, then leave me and I wouldn't find anything like it in the future anymore. It was the fear of taking risks that led me to nowhere.
But..Why do I want this dog?
It' because it's Pedigreed. It's special. One in a million. The dog's breed was hard to find. It's given importance in this world. Maybe that's the wrong thing about what happened. I was thinking in a generalized way. I was shallowly thinking like how others would think. You can't blame me. It was my first time to be exposed to that particular species so I treated the dog with more importance without even knowing why.
I still can get the dog. It's never too late. But what I need to think of is not the breed of the dog. But what I have to look at is its individual speciality as one different being. No stereotypes. No special thinking just because he's of that breed. I can see millions of them but there is only one dog I want to befriend. Why? Here. Because I want to. Because I think the dog's special in its own way and not because of whatever he has been through or whatever he's going through. It's because IT is IT. Get it? A best friend is a best friend through rain or shine. Not because you could be like this and like that when you're with your best friend.
What I've just realized that I can be my best without the food (or dog) but honestly, it's the first thing that comes to my mind when I have to prove myself to others. It was an inspiration although not visible. And now, I find myself happy with just being myself. Why didn't I do this before? When I was with that dog? Why?
Am I still worthy? Maybe the question of being deserving only starts now. Now is the only time I have realized this, and so now is the only time I can be called worthy of being a friend.
Sometimes, we need to widen our perspective to look deeply at things. Because the bigger picture we might be thinking of is only 1/4 of what we are supposed to know to be called worthy of being a friend to someone.
:) ...I'm with You in this journey. Thank You for making me realize and believe that there is still hope. I'm doing this. So help me God. ;)
God Bless! ;)
Lux in Domino!
-CJ
Note: If I treated the dog as a person, it's just what I think. Analogy with a few given hints, am I correct? :>
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