I've been blogging for quite a long time. I'll be turning one on May. Probably will have a lot to blog by then. But now, it may seem embarrassing and quite senseless to blog about these things, but I think that's the whole purpose of blogging; to express your feelings no matter how embarrassing or senseless they are. :]
My life's going through a lot right now. I'm being transformed from the brave leader to the cowardly loner. It's something I'm not used to, but I really have no choice. I want to lead. It's a certain talent in me that really shines through. Not bragging, though. 'Cause maybe I am, but that's not the point. The point is, "The moment I try to be the leader of the flock, that flock would war against me and I'd end up being a loner." Get it? I know I have the capability. I always have had that. They're just not giving me the chance.
I want to be someone known for doing many things for others, no matter how wrong, compared to being someone who does all things right but does little for others. I live for other people. Sometimes, I could be selfish, vain, or a bossy freak. But I could count those times with my fingers. and I was sorry for those. I want to live for being someone who dedicates her life to others. I want to be that leader. The leader who doesn't shout, because she knows it wouldn't do any good. A simple "Shhh!" would be enough. The leader who has finally understood what fun means, because she can understand that some haven't really yet matured. The leader who can not only teach people how to separate work from play, but also how to transform work to play. And last but not the least, the leader who is ready to listen to what people have to say, and the one who understands and appreciates what her people can do, no matter how little. Many people have already experienced how I lead my flock. Although not that idealistic, they can tell you I've always been a good one. That's for sure. I love Aquamarine. :) They brought the best and worst in me. But they chose to look at my best. I love them for that.
You guys choose to bring the worst outta me. I'm still nice. And you're annoyed because of that. You call me "plastic" and all that, but hey, I only am nice because I know I have to love others because it's one of God's major commandments. Even if you aren't, well, I don't really care. It's better to avoid you people than to tell you how I really feel. You might hate me more. And it'll cost me a million sins. Never mind. Keep the anger to yourselves. :))
One more thing. I get the littlest role, even if I, no brag intended, can even act better than those with major ones. It is said in the bible, "Blessed are those who are meek...". I know God gives this to me as a challenge I have to bravely face. But what I don't like is they make me do things they know I can't do just to humiliate me in front of hundreds of people. They're making me do some things which aren't really my stuff. I've always wanted to tell them, "Make me do anything, but this really isn't how I roll *walkout*" but I can't.
Because I'm the one that has to adjust. Not them. For they are the queens of Michaelangelo. Princesses of the crowd. I'm lonely Cinderella. The 3pal. the $ingit and all those mean words that I've heard them say. Ouch, but I have to live with them. Like Cinderella, someday I'll have my happy fairytale ending.
I'll just keep praying and holding on. Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock. I'm trying to. I love God for giving me a life so wonderful. Thank you for always being there, Lord. For making me feel that I'm never alone. For loving me. Love you po. :)
'Til the next blog! ;]
Lux in Domino!
.:GodBless:.
-CJ
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